Posted by Julia | 9 min read
Everyone has this image in their head of what my clients look like. Rich old perverts in expensive suits, right? Creepy guys who can't get dates any other way? Married men cheating on their wives?
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Wrong, wrong, and... okay, sometimes right about the last one. But mostly wrong.
After two years of doing this work, I've met hundreds of different clients, and the diversity would shock most people. The reasons they're here are way more complex and human than anyone imagines.
Let me tell you about some of the real people behind these appointments, because understanding the client perspective completely changed how I think about this work.
David: The Widower
David was one of my first regular clients, and he completely shattered my expectations about who uses Asian escort services.
He's 58, retired from teaching high school math, and his wife died of cancer three years ago after 32 years of marriage. They never had kids, and most of his friends are married couples who don't really know how to include a single widower in their social activities.
David books me for dinner dates maybe once a month. We go to nice restaurants, talk about books and travel, and sometimes end up back at his hotel. But honestly, I think he's more interested in having someone to talk to than the physical stuff.
He's told me stories about his wife, shown me pictures of their trips together, talked about how lonely retirement is when you expected to be sharing it with someone. The first time he hired an escort wasn't about sex – it was about remembering what it felt like to have dinner with a woman who enjoyed his company.
David isn't a creep or a pervert. He's just a lonely guy trying to figure out how to be single again after three decades of marriage.
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Marcus: The Businessman
Marcus is 34, works in finance, travels constantly for his job. He's actually really attractive and could definitely meet women the traditional way, but his schedule makes normal dating impossible.
He's in a different city every week, working 12-hour days, staying in hotels. When does he have time to build a relationship? How do you maintain a girlfriend when you're never home?
So he has arrangements with providers in the cities he visits regularly. It's more efficient than trying to meet someone new every time he travels, and way less complicated than trying to explain to a girlfriend why he's gone 20 days out of every month.
Marcus is always respectful, pays well, and genuinely seems to care about the women he sees regularly. He remembers details about our lives, asks how school is going, brings small gifts when he comes back to the same city.
For him, escort services solve a practical problem. He gets companionship and intimacy without the complications of trying to maintain a traditional relationship with his crazy schedule.
James: The Virgin
James contacted me when he was 29 and had never been with a woman. Not because he was particularly unattractive or weird – he was actually pretty cute and had a good job in IT – but because he had crippling social anxiety around dating.
He'd built up sex and relationships into this huge, terrifying thing in his head. The longer he went without experience, the more anxious he became about it, which made it even harder to connect with women naturally.
Working with James was honestly really sweet. He was nervous and awkward at first, but also incredibly grateful and respectful. We spent a lot of time just talking about normal interaction with women, what to expect from intimacy, how to be comfortable with his own body.
Three appointments later, he felt confident enough to try dating apps. Six months after that, he met his current girlfriend. He sent me a thank you card when they got engaged last year.
James used NYC escort services as a form of therapy, basically. A safe space to gain experience and confidence that he could then apply to regular dating.
Robert: The Disability Factor
Robert is in his early 40s and uses a wheelchair due to a spinal injury from a car accident in his twenties. He's got a great sense of humor, runs his own consulting business, and is generally awesome to spend time with.
But dating with a disability is complicated. Some women are immediately turned off by the wheelchair. Others are uncomfortable or don't know how to act naturally around someone with physical limitations. And the logistics of intimacy can require more communication and creativity than some people are prepared for.
Robert sees me maybe every other month, and we've developed a really comfortable dynamic. He doesn't have to worry about explaining his situation or dealing with someone's discomfort. We can just enjoy each other's company and be intimate in ways that work for his body.
He's not using escort services because he can't find dates – he's using them because it's easier than navigating all the complications that come with dating while disabled.
Michael: The Social Skills Challenge
Michael is 26, works in software development, and is probably somewhere on the autism spectrum though he's never been officially diagnosed. He's brilliant at his job but struggles with reading social cues and understanding the unwritten rules of dating.
He makes good money, takes care of himself physically, and is genuinely a good person. But small talk feels impossible, flirting is a foreign language, and he's been rejected so many times that he's kind of given up on traditional dating.
With me, he doesn't have to worry about saying the wrong thing or misreading signals. The expectations are clear, there's no guessing about what's okay to say or do, and he can just be himself without fear of rejection.
Michael has become one of my favorite clients because once he relaxes, he's actually really funny and interesting. He just needs a social situation with clear boundaries and explicit communication.
Tom: The Recovering Divorce
Tom is 45 and went through a brutal divorce two years ago. His ex-wife took half his assets, he barely sees his kids, and his confidence around women is completely shot.
The idea of dating again terrifies him. What if he gets involved with someone and they take advantage of him financially? What if he's just bad at relationships and ends up hurting someone else? What if he's forgotten how to be intimate with a woman?
Seeing escorts lets him rebuild his confidence slowly, without the emotional stakes of a real relationship. He can practice being comfortable around women again, remember what he enjoys about intimacy, and figure out what he wants from future relationships.
Tom isn't ready for dating yet, but working with providers is helping him get there. It's like physical therapy for his romantic life.
The Married Guys (Yeah, They Exist Too)
I'm not going to sugarcoat this – some of my clients are married men, and the reasons vary a lot.
Some have wives with serious medical issues that make intimacy impossible, but they don't want to leave their marriage over it. Some are in essentially roommate marriages where they stay together for kids or financial reasons but aren't really partners anymore.
A few are just cheating because they want variety or excitement that they're not getting at home. I'm not proud of enabling that, but I also don't think it's my job to police other people's marriages.
The married clients I'm most comfortable working with are the ones who are honest about their situations and aren't looking to me to solve their relationship problems. They understand that what we have is a professional arrangement, not an emotional affair.
The Younger Guys Who Surprise Me
I've had several clients in their early twenties who use escort services for reasons that really surprised me.
Some are incredibly successful for their age – tech entrepreneurs, guys who inherited family businesses – but their wealth makes it hard to trust whether women are interested in them or their money.
Others are dealing with performance anxiety or confidence issues that make casual hookups stressful. They'd rather pay for a guaranteed good experience than risk embarrassment with someone from their social circle.
A few are just curious about sex work and want to experience it safely with someone professional. They're not necessarily struggling with dating – they just want to try something different.
The Emotional Labor Nobody Talks About
Here's something people don't realize about escort work – a huge part of what I provide is emotional labor, not just physical intimacy.
I listen to stories about work stress, family problems, health scares, relationship issues. I celebrate promotions and business successes. I provide comfort during difficult times.
Some appointments involve no physical contact at all – just dinner and conversation with someone who's genuinely interested in hearing about their life without judgment.
The guys who become regular clients usually aren't just paying for sex. They're paying for someone who remembers their stories, asks follow-up questions, and provides a consistent positive interaction in their lives.
What Most of Them Have in Common
Despite all their differences, most of my clients share a few common traits:
They're generally successful, intelligent, and financially stable. You have to be to afford regular escort services.
They value discretion and professionalism. The guys who become long-term clients appreciate that I respect their privacy and maintain boundaries.
They're usually dealing with some form of social or emotional complexity that makes traditional dating challenging right now.
They want genuine connection, even if it's in a paid context. The clients I enjoy working with treat me like a real person, not just a service provider.
The Clients I Avoid
Not all potential clients become actual clients. There are definitely types of men I won't work with:
Guys who seem angry at women in general or who want to take out frustrations on someone they're paying.
Men who try to push boundaries or negotiate for services I don't provide.
Anyone who seems to view escort services as a way to buy control over women.
Clients who can't respect the professional nature of our arrangement and try to turn it into something personal.
People who are clearly struggling with addiction, mental health crises, or other issues that make them unpredictable.
What I Wish People Understood
The biggest thing I want people to understand is that my clients are just regular guys dealing with regular human problems – loneliness, anxiety, complicated life circumstances, social challenges.
They're not monsters or perverts. They're not necessarily sex addicts or people who hate women. Most of them are pretty normal, decent people who are using escort services to meet needs that aren't being met other ways right now.
Some of them will probably use escort services for their whole lives because it works for their lifestyle. Others are using it as a temporary solution while they figure out other aspects of their personal lives.
Either way is fine. Adults can make their own choices about how to meet their needs for companionship and intimacy.
The only clients I judge are the ones who are disrespectful or who try to use our professional relationship to hurt other people. Everyone else is just trying to navigate being human, same as the rest of us.
Julia
Everyone has different needs and circumstances. As long as all interactions are between consenting adults and conducted respectfully, those choices deserve understanding rather than judgment.
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